It’s the 9th of August as I am writing this but it’s a few days later after the 9th as you read it. I hope you had a great women’s day (if you are a woman) and are in South Africa. I’ve just turned 30 so I’m officially on the 3rd floor. I have always called this floor the thriving 30s way before I got here, I’m trusting God that I will thrive in my 30s and I believe it shall be so. I might just document some of the moments in my thriving 30s and this is the first of many, Lol this is how I entered my thriving 30s, it’s not a thriving manner but either way, we hold on to the faith. Thriving 30s it is!
I completed my undergrad degree in 2017, from 2018 I have been job hunting, and guess what I have never received any interview invites since, and oh child it’s been rough. End of June this year a turnaround happened I got an invitation to an interview, I went and I was called for a second one. In my mind, I nailed that, I was so sure that the job is mine. I prayed and I trusted God for the job but I received the “we regret to inform you” email and my heart despaired. It was not the first time I received this kind of email, I have been receiving them since 2018, it’s nothing new but this time around hurt more than ever. I don’t know maybe it’s because I went to an interview this time around and I was so positive about it all, I trusted God so much. I even said it out loud and planned prior on how everything is going to work out as I’m finally remembered by God but it didn’t happen.
I, therefore, went through the most, the whole of July was hard for me and that is my birth month. I didn’t enjoy my birthday because bengisagowa ( I was still going through the most). I was questioning a lot of things including my faith. I was wondering if my faith is even big enough if God sees it or even sees me. I mean I have been job hunting for years with no luck of an interview and when I finally get one and trusted that everything went well and I have done all that needed to, to show that I trust Him but still the response was otherwise. I somehow thought I am welcoming the 3rd floor with a job, in my mind, it was already done and I was so sure God did that but I was wrong. Wow, I was going through the most until the end of July when I wrote the previous post about how I am not going to leave God’s side come what may.
I was at home when I received the feedback, I remember that night I left everyone asleep around 10 and went outside just to cry. I cried so much asking God some questions that I didn’t understand, when I went back inside I felt better. I stayed at home for a few days then I came back, on the day of my coming back my grandmother’s goodbye words were; “Ungamshiyi uNkulunkulu, kukho konke ubambelele kuye.” (don’t ever leave God, through it all hold on to Him). I don’t know what made her say this, maybe she saw through me that I am out here questioning a lot of things, I don’t know but at that moment I just said, “I won’t Mah” and left. The truth is I didn’t mean what I was saying because I didn’t know what my final decision will be after it all but throughout the month my granny’s words kept ringing in my ears. I kept hearing her telling me never to leave God and it dawned on me that even if I wanted to leave I have nowhere else to go. It’s too dark in the world for me to go back there, I would get lost the minute I step out. I then decided to stay and see what God has in store for me after all this.
After taking the decision I crawled back to God, not an easy thing but a necessary one. If you can’t run back to Him, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl just make sure you do get back to Him after it all. That is when God reminded me of Proverbs 3:5-6 which says; “Trust in the Lord completely and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on Him to guide you, and He will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with Him in whatever you do, and He will lead you wherever you go.” This verse made me realize that yes I trusted God that this job is mine and I did well in the interview but I didn’t ask Him if He wanted me there and I only trusted Him for a yes nothing else but a yes. He later spoke to me that sometimes trusting Him means trusting Him even with the no, trust that His no is the best no. Take the lessons from the no and move on, all it takes is one yes and while waiting for that one yes we are to learn all that He is teaching us and need to learn so that when the yes finally comes (cause it will) we will have all the knowledge needed.
I don’t know what is it you are trusting God for or you have been trusting God for and getting disappointed while at it but I’m sharing this with you so that you know that you are not alone. Yes, I have some things that I am doing but I do need a job, and I apply for jobs almost every day. I send these applications with the mind that even if I get a million nos from these applications but one day one of these applications will be a yes and it’s that one yes that will change my life for the better and forever. Waiting for that one yes is not easy but I choose to wait and wait for it in the Lord and while waiting I will keep serving by writing in this blog, working on Christ-seasoned the brand, helping others grow their brands, as God opens doors for me to do such. While I am waiting I will keep serving as God leads, I will walk on every door He opens and show up diligently cause I know that it’s all working together for my good. One day when I finally get that one yes, every service I have ever put out there will come in handy in me operating in the yes. Days are not the same, I won’t be motivated every day and I won’t 100 percent show up every day but I will trust God every day and when the go gets hard I will cry to Him for help cause He is my only hope really.
I truly hope my testimony speaks to you, At first I was so skeptical about sharing it but I felt very pressed in my spirit that I do it and I guess it’s part of service and so here we are. I pray you get something out of this and you remember to be still because where you are is where you should be until you get where you are supposed to be. God is in control, trust Him and surrender completely to Him, He has your back.
Thank you!
Thandile Malunga 