Initially, I was supposed to co-write this with Khanani but she was like: “nope, I am not ready to be that vulnerable.” At first, I wanted to wait for her, but the number of questions and requests I have been getting couldn’t let me wait any longer. So, I have decided to give people what they want. So, let’s be vulnerable! I will try and answer questions that are mostly asked and if I have left something out, feel free to inbox me.
HOW IS SINGLENESS IN YOUR LATE 20s?
(Clears throat) Kurough, it’s rough kwa singleness in your late 20s. I am not even joking, it’s rough but hey what can we say, it’s our portion. We must soldier on carrying our cross and keep at it. Lol, jokes aside singleness in your late 20s is bittersweet, that’s it. There are sweet moments and those are the best moments, very best I tell you. Then the bitter moments, child those moments are BITTER, but they don’t last longer than the sweet ones, trust me on that one!
WHAT ARE THE PROS OF BEING SINGLE, THE NUGGETS OF SINGLENESS?
You have all the time to yourself, you use it the way you want to use it without reporting to anyone, you do you. I remember a book we use to read in grade 10 where this lady use to say; “Ndilala ngelami ndivuka ngelami.” That is singleness at its best, you sleep on your terms and wake up on your terms in all things and everything, feel me? You only attest to God, especially if you not staying with your parents. Paul also says that in the book of 1 Corinthians 7:32, we unmarried people are only concerned about the Lord’s affairs and that is it.
Me time is not a luxury this side, it’s an everyday thing, every time you feel like having a me-time, you take it without any struggle. You show up for your family, friends, and loved ones when you can, you are not forced to always show up unlike that other side, you always must show up even if you don’t feel like it.
Possibilities are endless because at this site you are channeling all your energy to the purposes and plans that God has given you. While at it you can move anywhere in and outside the country without thinking twice, volunteer, start a business, go back to school, change careers, etc. You can do a lot of things without considering anyone’s feelings and thoughts but yours! It’s really about you and God on this side!
WHAT ARE THE CONS THAT COME WITH SINGLENESS?
With all the Pros that I have counted; IT GETS LONELY. That means the loneliness is not there all the time, but it comes and goes as it pleases LOL, especially towards that time or after that of the month. You will find yourself sbwling (Wishing for); a call from the other gender, companion, location (isifuba), etc. This happens even when you just had a long day and all you want to do is call someone and tell them about the day you just had. You can call your friends or family but sometimes you just want to call a guy, I think this falls under companion.
Yesterday Mpoomy was asked to advise on how she made her first million and she included “A husband” in her list of advice and that is it. My friend also mentioned this yesterday that all money matters are looking at you, you are all alone. The word of God says two is better than one (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) and it is so when you are single if you bring R1000 to the table that month, that is the only money you have that month. Someone with a husband making an R1000 and the husband making another means they have R2000. They help each other in all things and everything especially financially. Being single means, you always must bring in 100% even on months when you can’t, while in marriage you can bring in 100% this month and 50% next month depending on how you are that month. In singleness, you are alone but not lonely (all the time).
THE CONS, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THEM?
The best way to deal with the struggles of singleness is to accept that you are in the season of singleness and embrace it. Embrace it by diligently seeking after God and having Him deposit plans and purposes in your heart and then go after them while spending most of your time with God. Do as the word of God says care about God and His things in your singleness, the loneliness will surely but slowly go away. You will find yourself feeling less lonely and fuller of God and His things, God will give you peace in your singleness and you will start to enjoy and embrace your season of singleness.
LOL the second one, I don’t think there is a way of dealing with it rather than waiting on God to give you a partner when the time is right. For now, all you can do is soldier on and trust God that when the time is right, you will also have a helper, who comes with a location 😂!
In conclusion, just like every season, singleness will pass too, so make the most of it (I am trying my best, this side). Attend to all church activities if you can, attend all church services, join discipleship if you like, just to do whatever will make you know God better while getting closer to Him. You need to be closer to God so He can deposit His will, plan, and purpose in you then you can spend your time fulfilling them since you have all the time to yourself. Take all the opportunities that come your way, volunteer, move to different provinces, even countries just live your best life but don’t forget God. Be there for your people, love them, visit them (If you can), check up on them, help them when they are in need just avail yourself at all costs, a time is coming when it won’t be easy. Don’t misuse your time, use your time wisely. Build your career, business, brand, friendships, etc. this is your building time so that when you are married and busy you know you have these built upon good foundations even if you don’t show up for maintenance every day, they will understand. Lastly, geography says the higher you go the colder it becomes, this side the older you grow the harder being single becomes, the more the need for a partner lingers. That means the older you grow the more you need to spend time with God so that He will help you be grounded in Him and wait upon Him, without feeling the need to take whatever/whoever comes. Spending more time with God also helps in filling the gap for loneliness. Your season of singleness is a crucial season the best thing to do is dedicate it to God, you have to trust me on that one!
“Young people, it’s wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give an account to God for everything you do.”